OUTSIDE THE BOX
What’s that gnawing at my vegan conscience?
Dealing with a guilty conscience as a vegan
I wake up, drenched in sweat, after a brutish dream. I was all wrapped up – almost peacefully – under an incredibly warm down duvet, counting sheep that weren’t helping me sleep (far from it!) – because every time I pulled my cozy socks up over my vegan feet, they bleated in dismay about the woollen coats they had been deprived of. The quacking ducks and geese who had provided their down joined in too. And before I knew it, my (self-)satisfied self had been robbed of sleep. Sullenly and with a heavy conscience, I traipse into the kitchen, open the refrigerator, and take a sip of water to clear –… But hang on a minute – my eyes linger on the water bottle’s label, and I wonder whether the glue used to stick this informative piece of paper could be non-vegan too… And, come to think of it, what are the ingredients of the dressing in which that salad is so charmingly slathered?
Of course, it wasn’t quite that concentrated: but in the course of my decision for a vegan life, there were these moments of fundamental questions. Sometimes I went from the hundredth to the thousandth and from then on my thoughts revolved around the actual quality of my vegan existence. Was it really so reprehensible to spend the winter months in really warm, body-caressing cashmere underwear, especially as I have a prickly reaction to most other materials? Even at dinner invitations with business people, I have sometimes had to weigh up in favor of a successful business deal whether I would jeopardize the upcoming deal by refusing to eat lactose, or whether I would rather swallow the piece of fine cheese on the 3-star plate offered by the boss with a guilty conscience. It was a little easier for me at my 90-year-old grandma’s annual Christmas duck dinner, after all I was her favorite grandson, whose proof of love had been expressed since childhood by eating her sumptuous meal along with a tonal smacking accompaniment.
So in the past, there were always these occasional bouts of weakness that prevented me from pulling on my leather straps to stay true to my principles, but sometimes the end justifies the means. However, after years of self-doubt and inner struggle, I have now made peace with this in certain situations and, true to the motto “nobody’s perfect”, I am willing to bite the bullet of the sinful tree from time to time.
That’s why, dearest fellow vegans, you should live your life in accordance with your beliefs, and have fun finding your very own approach to being a mindful consumer. But don’t fall into the trap of being someone who gives up everything only to end up grim and bitter, or of becoming a neurotic pedant – because in the end, everyone has to make peace with themselves in their own heads, hearts – and stomachs.
By the way, I’m just about to tuck into a delicious plate of spaghetti with tofu mince. As for the parmesan I’ve sprinkled all over it as an exception – and which is already gnawing at my conscience – I’m just going to wash it down with a big glass of blood orange juice!
